Online Dating: Hook, Line, and Sinker.

Ah, online dating. I’ve done it, twice. Successful, twice. If you’re patient and know what you want, online dating is for you. But be forewarned, it takes time and A LOT of sifting.

These days, it’s hard to date with our busy schedules. Men claim that Vancouver women are snobby and hard to approach, women say that good men in Vancouver are hard to come by. I agree with both. But then again, when has dating ever been easy? “Nice guys/girls” don’t cut it these days. I’ve seen way too many, “nice guys finish last” headlines on POF, both times I’ve been on it. Sorry guys, takes a lot more to lure a fishy than simply being “nice”. I got more than a few messages starting with, “I bet you get hundreds of emails, but I thought I’d message you anyways”. I was curious one day so I actually counted. Yes, this is true, I got over 200+ messages in a span of a few months. In real life, this would NOT happen, EVER. Unless I happen to be someone famous. So the women who are willing to venture into the online dating scene, take out your glasses, you’ve got some reading to do. Also, try not to download the app on your iPhone, it’s SO counterproductive on work days (I would know). There’s also that dilemma that’ll eventually come up if you decide to date more than one person at a time (I am not against this, but I advice you to be weary). But please, don’t sleep with more than one person at a time, unless that’s what you’re on there for. Men, I do have to warn you that the response rate is discouraging (I’ve heard from several men), but don’t give up!

So why did I do the online dating thing? People would ask me all the time, why are you single? Um, I have no idea, I would say. But then again, there was a time when I didn’t want a relationship so I made myself unavailable. I never get approached in real life. Unless I’m at a club and the guy is half drunk or I’m already in a relationship and they can smell that “she must be a relationship type” pheromones. Or my patients offer me their sons, I’m inclined to decline of course. Anyways, I know what I want, and online dating was like an online catalog. Not interested? Next one. However, the first time around I did not know this Plenty of Fish website existed, nor was I aware of online dating. A friend of mine had an account and was embarassed she had it, so I joined to support her. I had no expectations, but was open to a relationship. I had never had a boyfriend prior to this. I met several men, nothing came of it, and I was on the verge of giving up on the third or fourth month. I met my ex and fast forward 3 years, we break up. I signed up again because it worked the first time so why not? Again, fast forward 2-3 months, current boyfriend. Both times, I met some interesting people who I still speak to once in a blue moon. I am the type that knows I want to continue seeing someone after the first date.

My advice to the men? Don’t be creepy. It’s not that hard. Be sincere and look past the picture. I had a few that admitted they only looked at my picture and didn’t bother reading anything. I appreciated the honesty, but no thanks.

To the women? Also, don’t be creepy. I know that women are also very capable of being creepy stalkers.

To both, be patient, you will get hundreds of messages that vary from:

  • “will you be flattered if an Asian man took you shopping?” (LOL yes this happened, more than a few messages and several attempts to IM me)
  • “hi”, “hello”, “what’s up?”
  • sexual encounter like messages (if you choose “Hang Out”, or “Nothing Serious”, good luck, you’ll get tons of sexual offers)
  • really thoughtful, paragraph length messages that reference parts of your profile (my current bf used this one, worked on me like a charm ;). But men, just because you do this, doesn’t mean you’ll hook her. If you’re not her type, you’re not her type. I’ve sent apologetic messages to men who weren’t my type but took the time to write out long, thoughtful messages. They were appreciative.
  • a comment about your appearance
  • a comment about your headline ( my headlines varied from: Good hygiene is so important, Why did the hipster burn his tongue?, I can type 100wpm, Sweep me off my feet, etc.)
  • a clever joke that will make you LOL, even if you’re not interested, you’ll end up messaging the other person giving them credit for the laugh.

My tips for both the men and the women?

  • Be honest about what you’re looking for. If it’s a relationship or a “hook up”, say so. Some people are on that website looking for something real and they base their choices on the one or two word description of what you’re looking for. You might just miss out on a great relationship.
  • Filter who can message you. You can choose to have an age range, block people who have previously asked for sexual encounters, only have individuals with pictures to message you, etc.
  • Choose to have the option for the other person to see that you have viewed his/her profile. If you’re like me and suck at picking up people, it’s a good tool. The other person will see that you creeped his/her profile and will view yours. If they’re interested, hopefully they will have the balls to message you, if not, too bad. T used this tool and saw that I viewed him and he messaged me. I was too shy and had no idea what to say. So it works!
  • Don’t linger around too long to meet the other person in real life. There are TONS of people on Plenty of Fish, so if you linger around too long before asking the other person out, he or she will eventually find someone else to talk to and move on.
  • Have an image. Some people are still too embarassed to admit they are online dating, but everyone does it! It’s the social norm nowadays and there’s nothing to be embarassed about. Let’s face it, appearances matter (no pun intended). Yes, have an image, but don’t pucker your lips like you’ve just eaten a lemon or angle your neck like you strained it and it’s been stuck like that for days. Have a picture that actually looks like you? There’s nothing more disappointing than meeting someone in real life and having them look a lot different than you had anticipated.
  • Don’t have a half naked picture. It is douchey. Man or woman, even if you have a super hot, sexay boday. You will get more than your fair share of attention, even without your half naked picture. But I guess if you want the sexual encounter offers, go for it. It doesn’t hurt to keep that image private for when you actually start dating the person, makes it that much more special.
  • Think about your profile. If you’re looking for something real, then write real things about yourself. Who you are, your interests, goals. The right people will take the time to read it. It doesn’t have to be super long, just thoughtful. Just don’t be fake, it’ll catch up on you.
  • First date? NOT in the movie theatres. It gives you no chance to connect. First impressions are so important, both of you don’t need to be sitting there in silence wondering if you’re having a good date or not. If you’re shy, go for coffee and a walk on the first date. It doesn’t involve constant eye contact, which I know makes many uncomfortable, just the right amount that implies you’re interested.
  • Follow up. Does anyone still do the three day rule? Not to seem to eager but yet still seem interested? Skip it, if you’re interested after the first date, let them know then or the day after. Both times, I beat them to the follow up. I texted the next day and said I had a really good time and would like to see them again. If you know what you want, go for it. If you don’t get a response, their loss ;).
  • It’s okay to be nervous. You both are, you can even say it, the other person will probably agree and you can both laugh it off.
  • It will be frustrating. You will get a lot of the same messages and you will get frustrated no question. But again, it takes time and A LOT of sifting.

The same rules apply to online dating. Nervous about your first message? Good thing you can take days to think about it and they don’t even have to find out ;).

PS. To the women who are as naive as me and think men are okay being JUST friends, think again.

A great video that sums up my thought of 80% of the men I encountered online.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqXi8WmQ_WM

BUT, there are GREAT men online, so give it a try. Just be safe about it :).

Bullies and Suicide

I’m from Vancouver and there has been a recent tragedy and a young teenager committed suicide due to bullying. She also made a YouTube video of her story and how it all happened.

This is really unfortunate. Not just this particular tragedy, but suicides induced by bullying. Suicide is not the answer. I can’t imagine the difficulty children, teenagers, and adults go through when they are bullied. So I’m not going to assume how painful it is. I’ve  had my personal experiences with bullies, minor ones. You see, I was chubby during my childhood and up until my early teens. I recall this guy who I had a crush on ask me if I was “the short fat girl” when I added him on ICQ back in the old days. I don’t remember being too perturbed by it. Fast forward 5 years when I had grown into my body and had lost some weight. Grade 12 grad photo day, he said we should take a photo together. He sees a preview of the photo and says “we look good together”, cue my inside LOL.

Another experience I had was when I was 15-16, I was a stupid teenager who thought it was a good idea to become involved with a “playa”. It lasted 2 weeks, thank goodness. Fast forward a month or so and I meet this girl he’s been on and off with forever, I greet her nicely, she responds with a snappy retort “OH, YOU’RE Helen”. Lol. Anyways, I get a text from my older brother shortly after that and he asks me if I’ve made a new Facebook (or Friendster, I don’t remember) account, I say no, why? He goes ahead and sends me a link of this “new” Facebook account of mine.

Turns out, it’s a hater who made a fake Facebook account about me and another friend of mine (who also dated this dude). It makes fun of how we’re “oriental pigs”. LOL. I wasn’t offended or hurt, it was literally a LOL moment. I still don’t know if it’s her, not that I care. So I go ahead and message this secret admirer of mine. I tell her, “”thank you for all the time you spent making a fake account about me, I really appreciate it. She responds with an extremely defensive, “Blah blah (I don’t remember the first part because I could’ve cared less), If we ever got into a fight, this girl *** would be on MY side”. I tell her, “LOL, I don’t expect her to be on my side, we’re not even friends. I don’t fight”. I continued to flood her with sarcasm for every response she had for me. It was a short back and forth, she probably realized how stupid she was.

Who the heck takes the time to make a fake hate account about a TOTAL stranger, who just happened to date the same shitty guy? I eventually reported the account and it got deleted, I never heard from my hater again. At no point during this endeavor did I feel horrible about myself. I felt sorry for her because she was clearly insecure. I was a stranger to her and she took the time to write malicious things about me. Pity.

I’m confident about who I am as a person, hate me if you’d like, I don’t really care. Sure, I have my days where I’m insecure about my body/appearance, but never my personality or my whole being. But these days, I’m more confident in every aspect of my being than I have ever been.

What’s the lesson here?

Bullies WANT a reaction from you. If you don’t give them the reaction they want, they will stop eventually. Bullies are nothing more than severely insecure people, who we should pity really. But then that would also be a form of bullying.

I understand that it is SO difficult for some people to be resilient and not to let others’ judgements get to them. It is a learning process. Resiliency is gained from life experience. If you cut yourself off from life experience, you’ll never learn what it’s like to learn from the struggles you go through. I agree that it’s unfair for ANYONE be bullied. I understand that bullying is prevalent in all walks of life. Man, woman, child, teenager, adult, seniors, and animals all get bullied at some point or another.

Bystanders also have a responsibility. Don’t be one. Or if you can’t stand up for someone, walk way and tell someone. That may seem harsh, but I’m sure more than one of you have stayed quiet in the presence of someone being bullied and just stood there. If you don’t walk away, you’re giving the bully an audience. It will feed their purpose.

If you’re being bullied, tell someone. Telling someone is not something to be embarrassed about. You’re not a coward for seeking counsel in your parents, friends, teachers, etc. You’re being brave for talking about what you’re going through. It takes a lot for a person to talk about something so sensitive and damaging in their lives. So applaud yourself for talking about it instead of shaming yourself. Your friends and family are there for support. In the cases where there is no personal support to turn to, seek counsel from social networking sites, chat with others going through the same thing, talk to a hotline, etc.

Suicide is not the answer. I can’t imagine the pain and suffering people must go through when they are being bullied to the point where they’re paralyzed. But think about the pain after you’re gone. Your friends and family have to live the rest of their lives without you, that may be just as painful, if not worse.

To the bystanders out there, your silence is just as damaging. So speak up. It brings tears to my eyes every time I see media coverage of individuals being bullied. The recent one was that hall monitor in the U.S.A. that was being bullied by the young students. I cried, it was so sad. (I have leaky tear ducts btw, when people cry, I cry).

We all have so much to say after the fact. But when the bullying is actually happening, half of us probably stand there paralyzed.

Speak up. You have a voice, so use it.

Men: 10 Things That Will Tickle Your Lady’s Fancy

I’m as picky as they come. First boyfriend was at 19 and lasted almost 3 years. We did the promise ring and cohabitation thing. So I do have some authority on what works and what a lady likes. Also, because you know…I’m a lady. Let me tell you this though, I’m not doing the promise ring thing again. Although the extra diamonds are nice, I’d much prefer the actual “promise” ring (aka, engagement) when the time comes.

More rules on how to please a woman, you say? We already have to make the first move you say? Well, that first move probably took you more than a few drinks and an hour of staring and coming up with a script to say, be honest ;) If not, kudos! You had balls! But even then, it takes a lot of balls to go up to a stranger in hopes of asking him/her out, so kudos to all the men (the women too ofcourse, I couldn’t do it) This is coming from a woman who tried to pick up a bartender with a Carly Rae Jepsen line on a napkin. Yes, this happened. But we don’t speak of this, there were drinks involved…..okay fine, just two. I’m pretty sure I was beat out by a more youthful looking Asian woman who brought in her Game of Thrones book to read at the bar (seriously, who does that?). I recall her saying, “the book is a lot better than the series!” I wanted to say “away with you! I am his Khaleesi!”

But I digress with my failed pick up lines, onto YOUR successes! Now you have that woman, I’m sure you want to make her happy yes?

In no particular order, here are 10 ways to do so:

1. Leave some love notes. This is reverting back to old school ways. Leaving little notes on the washroom mirror, kitchen table, pillow, or even her purse, is a great way to brighten your little lady’s day. Specially if you have conflicting schedules and one leaves before the other one is awake. “Hey honey, just left to grab us some breakfast, be right back! -(your initial)” This guarantees a smile on her face. Unless you did something really douchey the night before, then add a slice of cake to that (well, for me anyways). Or a joke! A joke on a post it note would be a good option too!

2. Send a short, but sweet text. I know at this day and age, people are extremely busy. But take 10 seconds to send your special lady a simple text to let her know you’re thinking about her. It’s not necessary to do this all the time, once in a while is ok. Just as you can’t read our minds, we can’t read yours either. If you’re thinking about us, it’s nice for us to know once in a while. “Miss you” , “you looked so cute sleeping this morning” (even though we know you’re TOTALLY lying, there was probably some drooling and snoring involved), or a “ugh, can’t wait to see you after work” would suffice.

3. It’s not about the money, money, money. We don’t need your money, money, money, as Jesse J would say. Unless you’re involved with a mistress/prostitute/escort and you’re in love with her, then she probably wants your money first. Presenting your lady with lavish and expensive gifts doesn’t replace the thought you could put into something simpler. Take her for a nice moonlit walk and have some romantic Parisian music ready in your iPhone. Just kidding…maybe (no I’m kidding, too cheesy). But moonlit walks under the stars are super romantic, bring a blanket if the weather permits. A little eye contact, followed by a short, but sensual make out session will set the mood. For what? Well, you decide.

4. Remember the little things. They go a long way. Now, I’m not a flowers type of lady, I think they’re overpriced and they die so quickly (not exactly romantic), but if your lady is, go for it. Sunflowers are her favourite? Buy her one or a few on your way home from work and have it set up in a quaint little vase on your kitchen table, ready for her to admire when she gets home. She has her pick of favourite comedians? Surprise her with a comedy flick that features them. She’ll love it, trust me. You might even get a kiss or two from it.

5. Hold her hand. I know that’s common sense. To the long-term couples out there, it comes as instinct, but it’s a great way of connecting. It doesn’t hurt if your hands are the softest thing on Earth. It let’s her know, “I’m with you and I don’t want to let you go.” I know that’s deep, but that’s what I think when I hold my significant others hands. Connecting in the simplest ways can only do good for the relationship.

6. Cook for her. Despite what you may think, you probably look cute doing it. Effort is not foolish, lack thereof is. Just don’t burn the house down or hurt yourself. Bonus if there’s cake for dessert ;). Even if you burn something, you’ll both get a good laugh from it. You can still salvage the rest of the night with some good take-out and a movie. Or just a pint of ice cream to share, that’s good too.

7. Stroke her back. This is great for the ladies who love being touched (not necessarily sexually). While you’re at it, brush her hair back with your fingers. We like it when you play with our hair.

8. Give her a massage. Women are very sensual creatures, we like our skin to be touched. As many know, we like to connect physically and emotionally with our partners, this is one simple way to do so. I know this may sound like a repeat of #7, but who cares, emphasis is important right ;).

9. Make her feel needed, but not to the point where she’s almost your mother. Relationships are all about COMPLEMENTING each other. Make her feel like her presence and absence matters to you. If you don’t make it known, she’ll start having second thoughts about what she means to you. That’s not a nice feeling. As you may all know, women overanalyze everything. Don’t even deny it.

10. Finally, love her. Pass the cheese saws. I know this is SO fluffy, but it’s true. I know not every partnership results in love. If you don’t feel it, you don’t feel it. If so, end it. There’s no use prolonging the relationship hoping you’ll eventually fall in love with them. It doesn’t work that way. And don’t try to pull the, maybe I’ll realize if we’re meant to be together if we spend some time apart. This may work for some people, but not all. It’s not fair to keep the person waiting or wondering, let them move on. Regrettably, romcoms are not real (wait, what?!).

These are not rules, they’re merely recommendations. Also, they’re legal, so why not try them? Just don’t try it on a complete stranger, might be creepy yenno?

To the women out there: What silly or cute thing does your significant other do for you that gives you heart eyes?

Let’s Beat Cancer

ImageHello Friends, Family, and Strangers,

I am participating in a fundraising effort with my gym, 30 Minute Hit. It is a circuit training gym that involves kickboxing/boxing (i’ll blog about how great it is and the progress I’ve made since starting at a later time).

Throughout the month of October I am participating in 30 Minute Hit Kicks the *&%! Out of Cancer. I vow to complete at least 15 circuits during this time to raise funds for the BC Cancer Foundation and women’s cancer research at the BC Cancer Agency. Your support will help push me through each workout and through the entire month of circuits.

Cancer is a horrible disease that affects many individuals. I am fortunate enough to not have been personally affected, so I am fighting for those who have. The children, the men, 1 in 8 women who are affected, their friends and family. As an RN, I see upfront the struggles patients and families go through battling this disease and I want to help. It gives me joy to see patients thrive in the presence of adversity and disease. It’s really an amazing sight to see individuals with the most horrible diseases, have the most optimistic outlook on life. I hope everyone gets the opportunity to witness this. It brings tears to my eyes every time a patient shares their experiences and struggles. I feel fortunate enough that I have gained their trust in such a short period of time.

For now, here is a link to a great YouTube video that features cancer patients and a certain Kelly Clarkson motivational tune (I cried when I first saw this, so get some tissues ready): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ihGCj5mfCk8

Here is my personal website where you can donate:

http://donate.bccancerfoundation.com/site/TR/Events/TeamRaiserSimpleTemplate?px=1733761&pg=personal&fr_id=2090

Our collective efforts will help fund the research for the cure. It is a slow process, but we can all contribute, even just a little bit.

Every donation counts! It all adds up! I greatly appreciate your support and will keep you posted on my progress.

Women and Men

This makes me giggle.

Okay, so I’ve decided that whoever made/created mankind was NOT a woman. Well, I haven’t JUST decided, I’ve been thinking this for a while. Why? Well, I’m sure that if you’re a woman, or a really empathetic man ;), you would know exactly what I am talking about.

It could be because of two reasons:

1. He felt that someone had to go through all these sucky things. Well, it wouldn’t be him or his brethren, so it had to be the women.
2. He didn’t think men could handle going through the struggles, so he picked the women. The superior and more resilient of the species. (I personally prefer this, heh. I’m not a feminist, I’m just partially joking ;))

I’m sure there could be other reasons, but one thing is for sure. A woman goes through way too many things, not by choice, but by genetic predisposition.

  • Why are our clothes SO darn expensive? A nice fitting shirt (that won’t fall apart during the first wash) is at least $30. Then there are the shoes to match, the accessories, the hair, the makeup. I’ll confess now, I’m a VIB at Sephora. I’m nearing 1,000 points. For those who don’t know, 1 point=1 dollar. I know, embarassing and such a waste of money. But I can’t help it, they’re good at convincing you to buy these things that are so colourful and make you look pretty :).
  • The pregnancy and the labour. Or trying NOT to get pregnant. The stretch marks associated, the pain. I mean, hoping it’s a healthy baby, a 6-12 lb thing comes out of there (a beautiful thing, I may add). I feel worse for the small framed women (aka: me). Don’t forget the morning sickness and the baby weight that needs to be lost post-partum.
  • The grooming and the upkeep. The Brazillians are not enjoyable, unless you’re into that type of stuff….If you’re also into the mani/pedi ritual (I am not). That’s $100 a month minimum in upkeep. Plus, you have to wax/shave everything off, EXCEPT your eyebrows. Ladies, do not shave your eyebrows..it’s not attractive. We’re not meant to look perpetually angry, eyebrows are great, please keep them.
  • The mood swings? Well, we’re not all that responsible for it…sometimes. There’s something called hormones that do a little shuffling business once a month that make us go all emotional. There are some women that are just batshit crazy, I agree, but for the most part, there’s some sane women left out there.
  • I saw this thought provoking meme on 9gag a while ago:

    We’re pretty much invincible. Think about it.

     

What do men have to worry about? Well, let’s list some things:

  • finding the right hole and sticking it in
  • making sure the pee goes IN the toilet not AROUND it
  • an enlarged prostate
  • the impending prostate exam in their middle aged years
  • NOT getting a beer belly (some fail at this, even)
  • finding a nice fitting shirt, emphasis on the nice fitting, that shows off the hard work they put in 2-3x a week at the gym (or the progress made by their couch potato/video game endeavors on the weekends, weekdays if they’re unemployed)
  • again, finding a nice pair of well-fitted pants that shows off their butt. Note to the men: having a nice round butt is nothing to be embarassed about, women (at least I can say this for myself) love the nice butts.
  • I mean, these days, you could still argue that there’s an expectation to be the breadwinners of the family, but emphasis on the could. I’m glad to say women are now also capable of being the breadwinners of the family, and *gasp* men can now be the ones who stay at home and take care of the kids!
  • having a car, or at least a working knowledge of transit (I drive everywhere so I suck at knowing what bus to take to where). It doesn’t have to be a nice car, just one that takes you from point A to B, and preferably doesn’t leave oil trails/clouds of smoke on the way.
  • knowing the difference between a pad and a tampon, if you’ve been in a long-term relationship or a husband, I’m sure you’ve been sent out to fetch these things ;). Note: to those who haven’t, there’s a BIG difference okay haha.
  • opening their mouth and saying “hi”, and hopefully not being creepy at the same time, when trying to pick up a girl. (I can write a whole blog about the politics of dating, but that can be saved for another day.)
  • ….not being creepy. Strangely enough, some men have a hard time doing this.
  • having a job
  • putting on deodorant, or the least, not smelling unpleasant
  • having boys that can swim (I’m not being insensitive towards the men who have trouble with this. Fertility is a big responsibility, but women could also have problems with this.)

I can’t think of anything else at the moment, feel free to argue with me about these things. I always enjoy a good hearted debate.

Again, I’m not a radical feminist. I just thought this was an interesting topic. I enjoy the presence of men, the nerdy good looking types are my fav, apparently hipster too (just joking babe, haha).

Relative to women, men have it WAY easier. Let’s get into the dating business another day ;).

Let’s talk

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Some people are aware what’s been going on with me lately. This post isn’t directed at anyone specifically, it’s just something that’s been bugging me lately.

So, communication? Seems to be a lost art these days. Sure, we have social media, texting, Skype, all that jazz, that’s supposed to make communicating easier. But to me, those things only seem to contribute to the laziness people now consider as “communication”. I know I’m being a hypocrite by complaining about this, since I also only ever text, but I’m fully aware of the problem. Acknowledging it is the first step. But hey, when I text, or receive one, I reply. It takes two seconds. Not literally, but it doesn’t take that long to acknowledge someone’s efforts to communicate. Someone is taking a little time out of their day to see how you’re doing, why can’t you? Especially if the person is a good friend or a loved one. It takes two seconds to let someone know you care, if you can’t spare those two seconds, then be honest about your priorities.

Personally, if I can’t take two seconds to speak to someone or reply to someone’s texts, then they’re probably not someone I consider to be very important in my life (this is rare, though). Still, it’s common courtesy to respond.

Let’s go ahead with the flaws of social media. Birthday reminders, for example. I do not remember every single persons birthday, so Facebook is incredibly helpful for reminders. However, I don’t remember the last time I got an actual birthday call. The hypocrite in me also cannot recall the last time I gave someone a birthday call. At least I text, with many smiley emoticons/hearts/exclamation marks. There’s thought right there.

I hate repeating myself when it comes to bringing up issues. I feel like once should be enough. I’d feel like a nagger otherwise. We’re all adults right? I feel like if someone tells you that certain actions are hurting their feelings, you should take note of it once the issue has been brought up.

People may or may not know this, but I’m a fixer. I don’t just give up on things the minute there’s something wrong with them. I want to be honest about my feelings, it’s so hard sometimes because I feel like I shouldn’t be getting mad at certain things, so I hold it in and hope it passes. But I’m also human, I’m allowed to have these feelings.

I also withdraw. As much as I am a persistent fixer, I can’t do it for long. It’s clear when I’ve given up, I withdraw. I’m a very caring person, my friends and family know, “too nice” sometimes, but I’m also really good at not caring. You don’t care? I don’t care. Self-preservation first, but I forget sometimes, my heart gets in the way. I’d do anything (legal) for the people I love. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not. I’m still learning.

We’re all busy, that’s what prioritizing is for. Let’s be honest to ourselves who were willing to spare those two seconds for.

What About Romance?

Image My beautiful friend and sister (we’re not blood, but that doesn’t matter) got engaged last weekend! I am sooo incredibly happy for her! I knew several weeks beforehand and it was killing me keeping the secret from her. Good thing I only saw her a few times during that time. I was around for the heartaches and the tears with the guys who didn’t deserve what she could offer. I’m glad to have been around when she met the love of her life and now, future husband! She tells me, “be with the one who loves you unconditionally”. This is her first love by the way. So for the single ladies out there who think they’ll never find the one, and why is it taking so long? Be patient. Good things take time. You never know, your first love could also be your last love. Love is risky, but you have to put in the work to get the rewards. Love and you shall be loved.

I know being loved and loving someone is scary. I’ve been through it once already. The fear that you love someone more than they love you or vice versa. The fear that you might do something to hurt the one you love. But then again, there are people who do not think this way at all. I am a romantic at heart. If I feel something, I will express it. It’s just a little harder to if the person isn’t as expressive. I am a little careful this time around, but as the cliche states,

it is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.

I know that is SO CHEESY. But I believe in it. It took me up until I was 19 (I am now 23) before I was able to feel what “love was”. I’m still learning, as we all are. I’m fresh into a new relationship, almost 4 months knowing each other, and almost 2 months official. And I have no problem taking it slow. Going with the flow, if you will. Prior to this, I was like “NO! I only want to be in a long-term relationship. Otherwise, what’s the point?” I mean, in a way I still think like that. I wouldn’t be in a relationship with someone if I didn’t see a future. But at the same time, I have no plans for us a year from now, or two years from now. I’m just taking it day by day. I feel like if you do that, that’s when you set yourself up for heartbreak if it doesn’t work out. You’re in this mind set that, “oh, well, we’ve made these plans one or two years from now. Our troubles right now might just be a ‘phase’. I’m sure we’ll make it because we made ‘a promise’.” I’ve learned that you only know if you want to be in a long-term relationship, once you’re already in one. Two, three, four, or 20 years into it. You can’t really predict. All relationships start out great, I hope anyways. Once you hit the two year mark, and past that, I feel like that’s when you know if you’ll make it. I know my past relationship hit the rocks at the two year mark, it was just a very difficult year after that and then we decided to call it quits. It was an amicable break up, we remain friends.

I can’t push my beliefs on other people, I’m simply speaking from experience. I don’t regret much because I value the lessons I learn from the choices I make. I hope to continue this. Maybe I should actually read the book my sister-in-law gave me as a gift two Christmasses ago…

ImageI like to think I know myself enough that I don’t need books to tell me who I am. That’s how stubborn I am. We’ll see. I’m not a reader, I’m more of a visual person. Books ruin movies for me you see (haha, a lazy person’s excuse). But I swear, I’m literate. I think?

Anyways, this week is extremely busy. A 60 hour work week, barely enough free time to see my man and engage in other social activities. But I always make time for the people that are important to me, as you all should.

-H