SCREAM!

Not the movie, I just feel like that right now. I don’t mean: I-want-to-dress-up-in-a-cape-and-mask-and-murder-people. I mean, I just want to figuratively “scream” I’m so frustrated.

I should really be sleeping right now since I have a super early morning tomorrow, but I’ve got too many thoughts in my head to do so. Too many negative thoughts I may add. 90% of the time I try to be as positive as I can, considering my job title, I see a lot of negativity in my daily life. I try to be that sunshine that brings smiles to other people’s faces.

BUT, there is that 10% where I feel like I’m allowed to be negative, angry, and insecure. I am pissed right now, like SO annoyed. Sometimes I wish this blog was anonymous so I can be more open about what’s going on in my life, but, it’s not, so too bad for me. Let’s just emphasize how annoyed I am that something is not going to happen. You know when you’re SUPER excited about something and then find out it’s likely NOT to happen, but there’s still a small chance of it happening? And you’re annoyed at the possibility of it not happening because you’re super excited, so you’re like FUCK IT, I don’t want it anymore. I’m like that right now.

click on it, it’s a wonderful .gif

And because I’m a girl, I’m putting in passive aggressive comments into the mix. Such things like: “I don’t care”, “whatever”, “sorry, I’m being bitchy (but after the comment continue to be bitchy anyways)”, “do whatever you want”, etc. It doesn’t help that I was feeling insecure earlier this week about certain things. I’m not afraid to share the fact that I had a crying driving session on my way to work. Everyone needs a good cry sometimes. But that was settled, kind of. It’s one of those things where you still need to see some things change before you can say they’re actually settled. I know I just got back from Vegas, but I feel like I need to get away again already. Is that bad? Wanting to escape instead of dealing with things? I feel like people can agree with me about this, but whoooo knows. I’m really not in such a bad place, just having a super bitchy/bad mood night. I am glad I’m working tomorrow because I forget about things when I’m there, happiest place I can be. Weird to say I know since it’s a hospital, but I feel the most in my element when I’m there and I love seeing my cute little old patients :).

Also, my grammar is really bad when I’m angry, so excuse me. Hope everyone gets better sleep than me tonight.

Being a Grown Up is Scary

Image

my favourite childhood, and still, movie

The picture has little to do with this post. Or nothing really, I just really love the movie.

I’ve always considered myself “mature, responsible, and reliable.” Three adjectives that are innate to my being since my existence. But there is no task more daunting than MOVING OUT. Dun dun dun duunnnnnn. I’ve moved out before with an ex-boyfriend, but that was different. I didn’t pay rent and I didn’t sign a one year lease. I only did it for 5 months and the relationship ended. Oh my god it is scary. I went and looked at like 10 apartments yesterday and only really liked one. However, I am not looking to move out until January 1 and the apartment is available for December 1. Alas, the first apartment I fell in love with will probably be unavailable by then. I have this endless checklist for my first apartment. If it has ugly cupboards, I don’t want it. Small room and small closet? I don’t want it. Ugly floors? Hell no. So I am looking forward to December…when I will again start looking at apartments and possibly sign my first cheque for a damage deposit and my first ever lease (inside scream!). I’ve been advised against looking at apartments for now…for the obvious reasons that I’ll again fall in love, and it’ll be gone by the time I’m ready to move out. I ordered my first cheques today (I know, SO grown up). What I found so curious was the lady saying, “do you normally have that much money in that account?” It isn’t even THAT much, TRUST me. It kind of gave me confidence that I am ready to move out, but I want to be extra safe and save up an extra month’s wages just in case.

To those who are curious, YES, I have already picked out my furniture and rallied big men to help me lift heavy things. I am so excited for this new chapter in my life.

There was a douchey landlord I met yesterday who was hesitant to show me an ugly ass apartment. He gave me such a critical look. The conversation went on like this:

Douchy man: So, where do you live?

Me: Richmond

Douchy man: why are you looking to move out?

Me: I live with my parents

Douchy man: who pays the rent?

Me: my parents

Douchy man: *funny look like, hey little girl, are you even old enough to be here?*

Me: *asshole get that look off your face* Um, don’t worry I have a job

Clearly, this landlord has problems with people not paying their rent. I was QUICK to get out of that smelly apartment.