Not the movie, I just feel like that right now. I don’t mean: I-want-to-dress-up-in-a-cape-and-mask-and-murder-people. I mean, I just want to figuratively “scream” I’m so frustrated.
I should really be sleeping right now since I have a super early morning tomorrow, but I’ve got too many thoughts in my head to do so. Too many negative thoughts I may add. 90% of the time I try to be as positive as I can, considering my job title, I see a lot of negativity in my daily life. I try to be that sunshine that brings smiles to other people’s faces.
BUT, there is that 10% where I feel like I’m allowed to be negative, angry, and insecure. I am pissed right now, like SO annoyed. Sometimes I wish this blog was anonymous so I can be more open about what’s going on in my life, but, it’s not, so too bad for me. Let’s just emphasize how annoyed I am that something is not going to happen. You know when you’re SUPER excited about something and then find out it’s likely NOT to happen, but there’s still a small chance of it happening? And you’re annoyed at the possibility of it not happening because you’re super excited, so you’re like FUCK IT, I don’t want it anymore. I’m like that right now.
And because I’m a girl, I’m putting in passive aggressive comments into the mix. Such things like: “I don’t care”, “whatever”, “sorry, I’m being bitchy (but after the comment continue to be bitchy anyways)”, “do whatever you want”, etc. It doesn’t help that I was feeling insecure earlier this week about certain things. I’m not afraid to share the fact that I had a crying driving session on my way to work. Everyone needs a good cry sometimes. But that was settled, kind of. It’s one of those things where you still need to see some things change before you can say they’re actually settled. I know I just got back from Vegas, but I feel like I need to get away again already. Is that bad? Wanting to escape instead of dealing with things? I feel like people can agree with me about this, but whoooo knows. I’m really not in such a bad place, just having a super bitchy/bad mood night. I am glad I’m working tomorrow because I forget about things when I’m there, happiest place I can be. Weird to say I know since it’s a hospital, but I feel the most in my element when I’m there and I love seeing my cute little old patients :).
Also, my grammar is really bad when I’m angry, so excuse me. Hope everyone gets better sleep than me tonight.