Modern Day Romance

I’ve been neglecting this blog for quite a while. Why? Because I’ve been lazy and my netbook sucks.

But I thought I’d revisit this short-lived hobby of mine, it’s the new year after all. Also, I don’t want to degrade into an illiterate mess, my grammar is already questionable. I’m also currently addicted to the band HAIM, they’re amazing. 

Enough distractions! So romance?

Sometimes I wish I was born back then, when romance was easy and effort was tangible. Tangible in the means of little love notes or stupid little trinkets. In this modern age, full of electronics and distractions, I feel that romance is so easily neglected. Is it so impossible to expect a little more than the norm nowadays? These days, I feel like people show more interest in looking things up on the internet or staring at their iPhones to notice that their significant other has just become the other. People forget that relationships take effort, a lot of it. Just because you’ve passed the initial reeling-in part doesn’t excuse you from the constant effort to keep the person interested. I read this article from The Province, http://www.theprovince.com/life/please+married+loving+partners+less+change+that/9351627/story.html?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=twitter. Now I am not in a sexless relationship, but I feel that what this article features is what most relationships end up being, a platonic non-intimate companionship. Personally, sex is extremely important. It’s the difference between a platonic and romantic relationship. Call me naive, but I can’t see myself being in a “romantic” relationship with barely enough sex. This is one of the reasons why marriage scares me. It’s not the commitment part, it’s the lack-of-intimacy part I fear. You always hear about these long-term couples who never have sex anymore, and both think it’s okay. It’s so odd to me. If you’re attracted to someone and love them, shouldn’t you want to be intimate with them? I feel like one or the other, or both, is missing if you don’t. Especially if there aren’t any kids involved, what’s the excuse? If there is a want, for anything, there will always be time. If there’s time for you to play Angry Birds on your iPhone or to surf Facebook and you’re in a non-intimate relationship, maybe you should allocate some of that time to be intimate. Or just end it if that’s what the relationship is heading towards anyways. I’m a hypocrite for saying that because I’ve been through that situation before. But to each persons priorities I guess. Just know that your significant other will not stay significant if you don’t put in the constant effort.

Now I am more than aware that romance isn’t completely non-existent, they exist, as per my social media “friends.” I am a devoted individual, to both my friends, family, and significant other, but I need passion. Not fictional The Notebook passion, realistic passion. I want to feel needed and missed. Grab me and hug me so tight I can’t breathe. Kiss me just because you feel like it, not because you feel you need to or I’ve asked you. I’ve felt it before. I know it exists outside of Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling’s on and off-screen chemistry.

A friend told me once that love should be easy, a rather naive man I should add. I feel like if it is, it’s superficial. Love is inherently complicated. It’s an abstract concept as it is, no definition. It’s different for every person. Some fall fast, some slow, some never. How can an abstract concept be easy? How long is too long for someone to wait for their significant other to say those 3 words? I have no idea. I struggle with it sometimes because I don’t know. But I find comfort in not knowing the timeline. Is it enough for someone to act it but not say it? Personally, I say no. Actions mean more than words, but if you feel it, why not say it? If the other person is being honest about their feelings, verbally and physically, it’s only fair for the other person to do the same. Otherwise I feel like it’s not the right relationship to be in. Sometimes I wish I would have made this blog anonymous so I could be more candid about what I want to write, but no use looking back, I guess. (Also, I just wrote right instead of write back there, holy crap I need to blog more). I sometimes dabble deleting all of my social media accounts to see if I can feel better about certain things, but we’ll see. 

If you want to give me some advice, please do. I’m always open for what my readers have to say. 

I’m sure I’ve mentioned a lot of the things I just wrote about, but nothing much has changed. We’re still in the digital age of romance, or lack thereof. 

Advertisements

Why Your Ex is Your Ex.

Admit it, more than a few of you have dabbled with the idea of getting back together with that ex of yours. You think, “maybe the time we spent away from each other made him/her realize that we’re meant to be.” Or, “I’ve been dating since we broke up and nothing seems to work out, maybe it’s because he/she’s the one?”

Probably not. The catalyst that even suggests the idea in your head is likely the comfort of familiarity. Sure, you and your ex spent a lot of great moments together, shared some horrible fights, and you were each others’ best friend. I’ve been there, I understand, but they are your ex for a reason. It didn’t work out for a reason. Of course there are some couples who get back together and end up happily ever after. But those are rare, like heels that don’t hurt after a few minutes rare. But most often, people do the whole exhausting tango of getting back together, break up, getting back together, breaking up, and so on. It’s not worth it, and it’s a waste of both of your time.

I know the idea of a new relationship and starting over is a scary thought. You have to get to know each other from scratch, get to know each others’ friends and family (worry about whether they’ll like you or not), and get to that comfort level of farting in front of each other (which I do not suggest, unless it happens by accident. In which case, you can try to blame it on the leather couch I hope you’re sitting on.) But maybe you’re just lucky enough to be dating a weirdo who thinks it’s cute when their significant other farts. But I’m a nurse, so farts are the least of my worries when it comes to odours. I don’t think it’s cute, but it’s nothing to be embarrassed about, it’s naturale. Enough about farts, though.

Investing your time in a brand new relationship makes a lot more sense than trying to invest more time in a relationship that already didn’t work. You don’t ever want to get into a place in a relationship where the only thing holding you together is the fact that you’ve already spent so much time together. It makes sense but it doesn’t. Especially if he or she cheated on you, move on. Cheaters will always be cheaters in my opinion. Trust is such a vital component of a relationship. You need to be with someone who you can trust to go out to bars, get drunk, and come home to you without a sense of guilt attached. You deserve someone who loves you and only you. Unless you’re into polyamory. That’s cool if it’s mutual. Personally, it’s not for me. I’m a one man type of woman.

Don’t let the fear of the unknown make you fall back into your old ways. Familiarity is great and so comforting. But your old relationship did not work out for a reason. You may have wanted different things, were in different places in your life, so move on. Those things are not going to change. Sometimes they do, but often they don’t. The other person may make you think otherwise because they also want familiarity back, but it’s likely not going to work out in the long run.

NEWSFLASH

Ladies and gentlemen, get ready for some life changing breaking news.

Ready?

Life is complicated.

Tada! I am well aware that I have yet to hit the prime of it’s complexity. I’m a mere and youthful 23-year-old. Most of you that are reading this are probably like: “What the heck is she talking about, she’s probably only hit her period a few years ago. She has no idea.”

This may be true, but I have A BIT of an idea. I’m also not stupid so I’m well aware of my surroundings, too aware I may add. I’m too aware of everything and anything. It’s such a headache. I have no idea where I got this trait, it definitely does not make life any easier.

If people don’t talk to me, I think they don’t care about me. I know this isn’t the case though, because I also don’t always talk to the people I care about, not often enough anyways. I’m not a phone person, so I don’t often have phone conversations like the old days. I remember my longest phone conversation was like 6 hours with some guy, I have no idea what we talked about for so long. It’s sad to say that the only phone calls I get these days are from staffing at work. Even then, I often don’t answer and let it go to voicemail. I’m a texter. I text anything and everything. Some things that I text, I know I shouldn’t be texting because the topic of conversation would be more appropriate in person or on the phone, but when I feel like I have to say something, I say it.

The people close to me the most know this about me, but I am not very emotional or affectionate. The only person who I’m ever emotional or affectionate to is my boyfriend. This is not a conscious decision. It just happened. I hate being vulnerable. I have no idea why my unconscious psyche decided it would be appropriate to be the most vulnerable to whoever I’m dating, of all people. The person that has the capacity to be able to hurt me the most. Stupid psyche.

My mind is weird. I am weird. I am a lot more vocal about my feelings these days. A habit I acquired from an ex. I don’t know whether to be thankful or spiteful. But I definitely do not like being needy or emotional.

I am independent, as independent as a person can be. I make people feel unneeded most times, my family especially. I don’t like asking for help, whether it’s my personal  life or my work life. I don’t even like talking about my personal life sometimes. I don’t like to ask for advice because 99% of the time, they’re biased and unhelpful. Most times, they only make you feel even worse than you already did. I can handle things, stressful and complicated things.

I honestly wish I could care less about things and people. I care too much and most times it’s not reciprocated to the same capacity. I know they say to do things for people without expecting anything back, but it’s hard. I still like to think that people would return the favour. But people think differently, and I think too much.

I think I need to read more to get my mind off things that need to be thought about less. I also say sorry too much and ask people too many questions about what they want. I’m a people pleaser but I’m not? Does that make sense? I have no idea. Nobody ever asks me what I want though. But maybe that’s my fault? Being too independent and all, people probably think I’d just ask or something or don’t need anything or anyone.

Who knows, I don’t sometimes.

Despite all this, I feel like I have my shit together compared to most people my age.

I just have to figure out the whole feelings and caring thing. It’s a learning process.

Let’s talk

20121008-033306.jpg

Some people are aware what’s been going on with me lately. This post isn’t directed at anyone specifically, it’s just something that’s been bugging me lately.

So, communication? Seems to be a lost art these days. Sure, we have social media, texting, Skype, all that jazz, that’s supposed to make communicating easier. But to me, those things only seem to contribute to the laziness people now consider as “communication”. I know I’m being a hypocrite by complaining about this, since I also only ever text, but I’m fully aware of the problem. Acknowledging it is the first step. But hey, when I text, or receive one, I reply. It takes two seconds. Not literally, but it doesn’t take that long to acknowledge someone’s efforts to communicate. Someone is taking a little time out of their day to see how you’re doing, why can’t you? Especially if the person is a good friend or a loved one. It takes two seconds to let someone know you care, if you can’t spare those two seconds, then be honest about your priorities.

Personally, if I can’t take two seconds to speak to someone or reply to someone’s texts, then they’re probably not someone I consider to be very important in my life (this is rare, though). Still, it’s common courtesy to respond.

Let’s go ahead with the flaws of social media. Birthday reminders, for example. I do not remember every single persons birthday, so Facebook is incredibly helpful for reminders. However, I don’t remember the last time I got an actual birthday call. The hypocrite in me also cannot recall the last time I gave someone a birthday call. At least I text, with many smiley emoticons/hearts/exclamation marks. There’s thought right there.

I hate repeating myself when it comes to bringing up issues. I feel like once should be enough. I’d feel like a nagger otherwise. We’re all adults right? I feel like if someone tells you that certain actions are hurting their feelings, you should take note of it once the issue has been brought up.

People may or may not know this, but I’m a fixer. I don’t just give up on things the minute there’s something wrong with them. I want to be honest about my feelings, it’s so hard sometimes because I feel like I shouldn’t be getting mad at certain things, so I hold it in and hope it passes. But I’m also human, I’m allowed to have these feelings.

I also withdraw. As much as I am a persistent fixer, I can’t do it for long. It’s clear when I’ve given up, I withdraw. I’m a very caring person, my friends and family know, “too nice” sometimes, but I’m also really good at not caring. You don’t care? I don’t care. Self-preservation first, but I forget sometimes, my heart gets in the way. I’d do anything (legal) for the people I love. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not. I’m still learning.

We’re all busy, that’s what prioritizing is for. Let’s be honest to ourselves who were willing to spare those two seconds for.