Modern Day Romance

I’ve been neglecting this blog for quite a while. Why? Because I’ve been lazy and my netbook sucks.

But I thought I’d revisit this short-lived hobby of mine, it’s the new year after all. Also, I don’t want to degrade into an illiterate mess, my grammar is already questionable. I’m also currently addicted to the band HAIM, they’re amazing. 

Enough distractions! So romance?

Sometimes I wish I was born back then, when romance was easy and effort was tangible. Tangible in the means of little love notes or stupid little trinkets. In this modern age, full of electronics and distractions, I feel that romance is so easily neglected. Is it so impossible to expect a little more than the norm nowadays? These days, I feel like people show more interest in looking things up on the internet or staring at their iPhones to notice that their significant other has just become the other. People forget that relationships take effort, a lot of it. Just because you’ve passed the initial reeling-in part doesn’t excuse you from the constant effort to keep the person interested. I read this article from The Province, http://www.theprovince.com/life/please+married+loving+partners+less+change+that/9351627/story.html?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=twitter. Now I am not in a sexless relationship, but I feel that what this article features is what most relationships end up being, a platonic non-intimate companionship. Personally, sex is extremely important. It’s the difference between a platonic and romantic relationship. Call me naive, but I can’t see myself being in a “romantic” relationship with barely enough sex. This is one of the reasons why marriage scares me. It’s not the commitment part, it’s the lack-of-intimacy part I fear. You always hear about these long-term couples who never have sex anymore, and both think it’s okay. It’s so odd to me. If you’re attracted to someone and love them, shouldn’t you want to be intimate with them? I feel like one or the other, or both, is missing if you don’t. Especially if there aren’t any kids involved, what’s the excuse? If there is a want, for anything, there will always be time. If there’s time for you to play Angry Birds on your iPhone or to surf Facebook and you’re in a non-intimate relationship, maybe you should allocate some of that time to be intimate. Or just end it if that’s what the relationship is heading towards anyways. I’m a hypocrite for saying that because I’ve been through that situation before. But to each persons priorities I guess. Just know that your significant other will not stay significant if you don’t put in the constant effort.

Now I am more than aware that romance isn’t completely non-existent, they exist, as per my social media “friends.” I am a devoted individual, to both my friends, family, and significant other, but I need passion. Not fictional The Notebook passion, realistic passion. I want to feel needed and missed. Grab me and hug me so tight I can’t breathe. Kiss me just because you feel like it, not because you feel you need to or I’ve asked you. I’ve felt it before. I know it exists outside of Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling’s on and off-screen chemistry.

A friend told me once that love should be easy, a rather naive man I should add. I feel like if it is, it’s superficial. Love is inherently complicated. It’s an abstract concept as it is, no definition. It’s different for every person. Some fall fast, some slow, some never. How can an abstract concept be easy? How long is too long for someone to wait for their significant other to say those 3 words? I have no idea. I struggle with it sometimes because I don’t know. But I find comfort in not knowing the timeline. Is it enough for someone to act it but not say it? Personally, I say no. Actions mean more than words, but if you feel it, why not say it? If the other person is being honest about their feelings, verbally and physically, it’s only fair for the other person to do the same. Otherwise I feel like it’s not the right relationship to be in. Sometimes I wish I would have made this blog anonymous so I could be more candid about what I want to write, but no use looking back, I guess. (Also, I just wrote right instead of write back there, holy crap I need to blog more). I sometimes dabble deleting all of my social media accounts to see if I can feel better about certain things, but we’ll see. 

If you want to give me some advice, please do. I’m always open for what my readers have to say. 

I’m sure I’ve mentioned a lot of the things I just wrote about, but nothing much has changed. We’re still in the digital age of romance, or lack thereof. 

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What About Romance?

Image My beautiful friend and sister (we’re not blood, but that doesn’t matter) got engaged last weekend! I am sooo incredibly happy for her! I knew several weeks beforehand and it was killing me keeping the secret from her. Good thing I only saw her a few times during that time. I was around for the heartaches and the tears with the guys who didn’t deserve what she could offer. I’m glad to have been around when she met the love of her life and now, future husband! She tells me, “be with the one who loves you unconditionally”. This is her first love by the way. So for the single ladies out there who think they’ll never find the one, and why is it taking so long? Be patient. Good things take time. You never know, your first love could also be your last love. Love is risky, but you have to put in the work to get the rewards. Love and you shall be loved.

I know being loved and loving someone is scary. I’ve been through it once already. The fear that you love someone more than they love you or vice versa. The fear that you might do something to hurt the one you love. But then again, there are people who do not think this way at all. I am a romantic at heart. If I feel something, I will express it. It’s just a little harder to if the person isn’t as expressive. I am a little careful this time around, but as the cliche states,

it is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.

I know that is SO CHEESY. But I believe in it. It took me up until I was 19 (I am now 23) before I was able to feel what “love was”. I’m still learning, as we all are. I’m fresh into a new relationship, almost 4 months knowing each other, and almost 2 months official. And I have no problem taking it slow. Going with the flow, if you will. Prior to this, I was like “NO! I only want to be in a long-term relationship. Otherwise, what’s the point?” I mean, in a way I still think like that. I wouldn’t be in a relationship with someone if I didn’t see a future. But at the same time, I have no plans for us a year from now, or two years from now. I’m just taking it day by day. I feel like if you do that, that’s when you set yourself up for heartbreak if it doesn’t work out. You’re in this mind set that, “oh, well, we’ve made these plans one or two years from now. Our troubles right now might just be a ‘phase’. I’m sure we’ll make it because we made ‘a promise’.” I’ve learned that you only know if you want to be in a long-term relationship, once you’re already in one. Two, three, four, or 20 years into it. You can’t really predict. All relationships start out great, I hope anyways. Once you hit the two year mark, and past that, I feel like that’s when you know if you’ll make it. I know my past relationship hit the rocks at the two year mark, it was just a very difficult year after that and then we decided to call it quits. It was an amicable break up, we remain friends.

I can’t push my beliefs on other people, I’m simply speaking from experience. I don’t regret much because I value the lessons I learn from the choices I make. I hope to continue this. Maybe I should actually read the book my sister-in-law gave me as a gift two Christmasses ago…

ImageI like to think I know myself enough that I don’t need books to tell me who I am. That’s how stubborn I am. We’ll see. I’m not a reader, I’m more of a visual person. Books ruin movies for me you see (haha, a lazy person’s excuse). But I swear, I’m literate. I think?

Anyways, this week is extremely busy. A 60 hour work week, barely enough free time to see my man and engage in other social activities. But I always make time for the people that are important to me, as you all should.

-H